His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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