dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
