3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
