Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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