His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
