I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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