I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
