but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
