She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
