nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
