I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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