I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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