So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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