so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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