Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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