There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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