I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
