I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
