So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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