My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
