My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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