the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
