I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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