I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
