i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
