He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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