She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
