another moral hangover. fuck.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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