threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
