we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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