Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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