Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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