Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
