She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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