Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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