I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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