FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
