Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
