ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
