problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
