So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
