They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this beer tastes like vomit already
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
