When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
