Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
