Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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