First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Vodka?
Forever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize