dude i'm inner monologue high
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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