You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
