3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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