Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
