I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
