Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
