dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
BRING THE BAGELS
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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