Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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