is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
