You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
