I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize