And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
