I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
