If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
