Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
