4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
