Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
