Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
