I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
